Grace in the Growing

Let Me Just Start With This

If I could go back and sit down with my 20-year-old self…

we would be having a very serious conversation.

Not gentle.

Not soft.

More like:

“Ma’am… what are we doing?”

Exhibit A: My First Time Leading Worship

Picture this.

I had just met Jesus.

Brand new.

On fire.

Ready to serve.

And somehow…

I got asked to lead worship at church.

Amazing, right?

Now Here’s What I Wore…

A miniskirt.

A turtleneck.

Because obviously—

that cancels everything out.

That was my logic.

But Wait… It Gets Better

Those shoes?

Oh yes.

My Naughty Monkey shoes…

that I had purchased from Hustler before I met Jesus.

Because nothing says “new life in Christ” like…

Hustler heels on the worship team.

And Then… The Moment Happened

Mid-worship…

The Holy Spirit moved.

And when I say moved—

I mean, moved.

My arm shot straight up in the air like a spider monkey reaching for the next branch.

And in that moment…

so did the skirt.

Yes. The Whole Situation.

The very short.

Very inappropriate.

Extremely visible situation.

On stage.

In church.

Leading worship.

And Apparently… Online Too

To this day…

I’m pretty sure that was the most viewed online service that church has ever had.

For reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with the worship set.

And If You Think That Was the Worst Part…

It wasn’t even stockings.

No.

I had on nude hose.

Which somehow made everything worse.

The Aftermath

I can still hear it.

A sweet 75-year-old church lady…

looking at me with the most gracious confusion…

and saying:

“You must be new to Jesus…”

And honestly?

She wasn’t wrong.

The Part I Didn’t Know Until Later

Years later, I found out some of the deacons had asked the worship director to talk to me about how I was dressing.

He refused.

He said it wasn’t his place to judge me…

that I would learn, and that God would deal with my heart.

And he was right.

Here’s the Thing

I laugh about it now…

But the truth is—

That moment represents something deeper.

I didn’t know who I was.

I didn’t know how to carry myself.

I didn’t know what aligned with who I was becoming.

I was learning.

I was growing.

I was figuring it out in real time.

And sometimes…

That looked like Hustler heels on a worship stage.

But Here’s the Grace in It

God didn’t wait for me to “get it right.”

He met me right there.

In the middle of my mess.

In the middle of my learning.

In the middle of my very questionable wardrobe choices.

And He began the process of changing me.

This Is Where We Start

So for this series, we’re keeping it real.

We’re talking about:

• the things we did

• the things we didn’t know

• the moments we wish we could redo

…but also—

how Jesus meets us in all of it.

Welcome to The Woman Project

We’re not here because we had it all together.

We’re here because He met us in the middle of it.

And somehow…

redeemed even the most embarrassing moments.

We invite you in—

to let your hair down,

to journey through real moments with us,

with no shame, no guilt, and no condemnation.

Just the truth of who we are,

what we’ve walked through,

and how Jesus meets us right there

in the middle of it all.

WATCH THE FULL EPISODE

About the Author

Ilonka Deaton is a survivor, advocate, and co-founder of The Woman Project. She now makes significantly better wardrobe decisions… and still loves Jesus just as much.

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